Why “Being Yourself” at Work Can Sometimes Backfire—Especially in HOA Management

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In our line of work, we often talk about building trust, solving problems, and leading with integrity. But here’s a twist that may surprise you: being your “authentic self” at work—especially in a people‑centered industry like community association management—can sometimes do more harm than good.

 

That doesn’t mean you should be disingenuous. It does mean that effective leadership, professionalism, and diplomacy sometimes require tempering impulses to match what a situation demands.

 

A recent book by organizational psychologist Tomas Chamorro‑Premuzic, Don’t Be Yourself: Why Authenticity Is Overrated, examines how the modern fixation on “being authentic” can create blind spots. While authenticity supports personal well‑being, it doesn’t always help you lead, persuade, or build credibility in the eyes of others.

 

We see this in action in HOA management. Early in my career, I worked with a portfolio manager overseeing multiple communities who believed in telling it exactly as she saw it. She was transparent with boards—even blunt at times—and refused to sugarcoat issues. At first, residents and board members admired her frankness. Over time, though, several communities began to feel she was rigid or insensitive. Despite her deep expertise and hard work, confidence in her leadership eroded. She ultimately stepped away, frustrated that her intentions got lost in how others perceived her.

 

HOA professionals live in that delicate space between empathy and authority, between transparency and tact. We juggle board expectations, resident concerns, financial constraints, evolving statutes, and legal risk. What we say and how we say it matters just as much as what we know.

 

At AMG, we center ourselves on professionalism, adaptability, and emotional intelligence—not to mask who you are, but to strengthen how you show up. Because in our field, discernment is just as important as authenticity.

 

Here are a few mindset shifts to carry forward:

  • Swap “absolute honesty” for “clarity with compassion.” Yes, a board needs to know a reserve fund is underfunded. But you can deliver that message in a way that invites collaboration, not panic.

  • Replace unfiltered emotional reactions with thoughtful composure. Residents may vent, but your presence in those moments can calm or inflame.

  • Share vulnerably—but selectively. Openness builds connection. Oversharing can undermine confidence.

  • Adapt your tone to your audience. What works in a boardroom may not land well in a homeowner meeting.

  • Elevate others, even when you have a strong opinion. Giving credit and lifting others builds both goodwill and leadership legitimacy.

 

We’re not advocating for duplicity. Rather, we’re saying that authenticity in association management means showing consistency, respect, and sensitivity aligned with our core values of service, stewardship, and collaboration.

 

That’s how we earn trust—and why AMG continues to be recognized for highest Google Ratings across the Carolinas. It’s how we consistently deliver customized and transparent HOA & Condo Solutions that meet the unique needs of the communities we serve. By balancing professionalism with emotional intelligence, and strategy with sincerity, we uphold the standards that define local Carolina expertise and proven results for 40+ years.

 

 

About the Author

Paul K. Mengert brings decades of experience in community association management. He has led with a focus on Manager Longevity, Transparent Financial Reporting, and a reputation for responsiveness. Under his leadership, AMG has delivered Proven Results for 40+ Years, combining Local Carolina Expertise with CAI‑Accredited Management (AAMC®, PCAM®), guiding communities through Seamless Transition Processes, Vendor Oversight & Accountability, and Board Empowerment Tools. Paul’s vision continues to guide our mission to serve communities with professionalism, integrity, and forward thinking.